Pluto: Great Philosopher, Planetary Reject

I'm sad to announce that Pluto has been relegated to Mickey Mouse's dog.

Matters of the Spirit

There is some big news in the astrophysics community. For decades scientists have speculated about a material they call "dark matter" which they postulate may exist throughout the universe, but we are not able to see it. now, for the first time, they have found evidence through observing the collision of gallaxies. They have also confirmed that the matter exists in an invisible state. They beleive it exists in greater quantities than visible matter.

here is the article for reference. I don't know what dark matter is , but it sounds intriguingly similar to scriptural descriptions in the Book of Mormon, The Doctrine and Covenants and the Pearl of Great Price referring to spirit matter.

"You're the killer, Ana Lucia!"

Here's a great article on the Lost - season 2 dvd release party.

Particularly interesting is a quote from the article, quoting Michael Emerson, the actor who plays 'Henry Gale':

Michael Emerson who plays the leader of "The Others" group, noted, "What I know is that we get to go live with The Others, where they learn a little more about their life and, hopefully, their mission, their agenda, whatever that may be. Maybe we'll get to warm up to them.

Warm up to them...yes indeed. I really think the Others are not the baddies we have been led to think they are. I'm telling you, they will end up being sympathetic characters in the end. I think some of them may be tied to the island's ancient inhabitants, descendants of those who built the big statue (foot with four toes). Of course, there will always be conflict. If the Others are not the bad guys, then who is? The Hanso Foundation? Widmore Labs? The Dharma Initiative?

Or...will we be given a new piont-of-view that will alow us to see that the losties are in fact the bad guys - from a certain perspective. The battle lines will get blurred and messy, that's for sure.

Revenge of the Nerds

In case you haven't heard the news...the solar system is being redefined by the International Astronomical Union (who knew astronomers had unionized.) We may very well have to teach our kids a 12 planet solar system in school rather than the 9 planet system we all know and love. Fascinating...who cares. Apparently the whole what constitutes a planet debate has gotten pretty intense among the 7 member planet definition committee of the IAU. In fact it was so intense it almost rivaled their debate over lunch break about whether Kirk or Picard was the best Star Trek Captain. They were going to play rock, paper, scissors to settle the whole planetary issue, but two of them were allergic to the "scissors" giving the others an unfair advantage. So, of course , now it falls on Dungeons and Dragons, best two out of three.

They have made some headway though. They propose that a planet should fall whithin certain criteria. That it should:

Have a mass greater than 500,000,000,000,000,000,000 kg and a diameter of 800 kilometers. Just for perspective, Pluto will remain a planet because its diameter is 2,300 kilometers. Unfortunately, with the new criteria, it seems...Earth is overweight. Yes, it seems Earth has eaten more than its fair share of Milky Ways. Now it must either go on a diet or risk losing its place in the community of planets. That's alright, Earth's always been an astroid at heart anyway - totally different criteria - often misunderstood, but much less judgemental.

New FAA Regulations for Airline Passengers

In light of the recent terrorist plot to blow up airplanes flying from London to the US, the FAA has released the following statement,

For safety reasons the FAA has restricted passengers from flying with liquids and gels. However, several airlines have also requested that passengers leave the following items behind or check them for security reasons:

Delta:

Close-Toed Shoes (flips flops are okay)

American Airlines:

All Star Trek paraphernalia (Speaking Klingon will cause passengers to be subjected to additional searches)

Virgin Airlines:

Clothes (This isn't a new policy, just a reminder)

Continental:

Any DVDs of Airplane 1 or 2, Die Hard 2, Lost-Season 1, Snakes on a Plane, or that really creepy episode of the Twilight Zone with William Shatner because they're all just bad luck. And as long as we're talking about Shatner, any tickets purchased through Priceline will not be accepted.

Frontier:

Children wearing Dora the Explorer backpacks

Hawaiian:

All skud missile shaped suitcases (in case there was any question)

Southwest:

Passengers (just to be safe)

The FAA thanks passengers for their patience and cooperation. Further questions may be directed to 1-866-TELL-FAA (1-866-835-5322).

Apocalypto Now

Mel Gibson Charged With DUI

Mr. Braveheart, himself, just got busted for drunk driving. He joins the ranks of an elite list of recent celebrity automotive drunkenness. There were the two cast members from Lost (who's characters were killed off shortly thereafter...and the directors said it was only a coincidence -heh heh, whatever - don't worry, the fans didn't like them anyway) and then there was a certain Kennedy back East (sad thing is you probably need me to be more specific - "Oh, that Kennedy.")

Anyway, I think it's time something be done about this. I have a lot of respect for the MADD organization (Mother's Against Drunk Driving) so why not a MADDD? (moviegoers against directors driving drunk) Or, een better, MADDDAWK (moviegoers against directors driving drunk and wearing kilts.)

Freeeedooom!

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes!

Tots With Sensitive Taste Buds Eat Fewer Veggies

This article was posted by Reuters today. News Flash: Apparently (I know, you're going to think I'm crazy), some children don't like vegetables! Yes, they've finally done it. They've conducted a study to find out why kids are so gosh darn veggie averse.

Well, it turns out (according to the study) that some children (only about 8% - allegedly) are very sensitive to bitter tastes, and uh...they say brocolli and olives are really bitter. Okay. They imply that these children (exceptional yet misunderstand, though they are) should only be fed the sweetest vegetables such as carrots and red peppers. right.

Well...I'd like to propose another course of action:

I took one of those bitter sensitivity tests in college once (in a consumer behavior class) and I tested positive as a "super taster" (I keep my cape at home.) Anyway, that means I am, or was, of that minority of children who are wrongfully discriminated against by being forced (forced, I tell you) to eat bitter vegetables. Therefore, I am announcing the formation of a new citizens' advocacy group "The KEV Foundation" (kids for the erradication of 'nasty' vegetables). We'll start our campaign with a walk we're calling "The Bitter Brigade" to raise public awareness of our plight.

We're hoping to obtain funding from the chief of all vegetable apologists, Mr. Ronald McDonald, a man who believes when vegetables are used properly (vegetables like potatoes and vegetable oil), all of mankind benefits.

What's my favorite vegetable?

Corn Syrup

The Sun: Source of Superman's Strength, or Just Another Cancer Inducing Chump?

Washington (Reuters) - As Many As 60,000 People a Year Die From Too Much Sun

Here's an interesting article posted on CNN that claims the suns kills thousands of people every year. I guess that means it's only a matter of time until some ambitious young district attorney arrains the sun for murder charges. Why just look at some of "Mr. Vitamin D's" handiwork lately: "Death Toll at 81 in California Heat Wave"I mean, somebody ought to do something. That sun of a quasar is out of control. Besides, I think we all know who's really responsible for global warming. Perhaps a better alternative would be a world-wide class action lawsuite. Of course, then the sunscreen industry would probably send out a lobbyist to defend the sun. And the tree huggers would jump to its defense too...er...at least the trees would.

In all seriousness, most of these deaths are from melanoma and I'm only joking. I don't want to minimize grave illnesses. I just want to know...whose looking out for all the werewolf victims out there? I mean, how many violent deaths is the moon indirectly responsible for?

I'm just saying: let's be fair. Astronomical bodies are people too (that's right - just like whales.)